Air I Would Kill to Breathe
by Walkinthegarden
Summary: Callen's wife decides to leave her husband. Companion piece to When You're Gone


She spent her life crying. Her parents were high class lawyers that did nothing but fight but were too stubborn to admit their marriage was over. She spent her childhood hiding under her bed with her hands over her ears and tears streaming down her cheeks. She promised herself that her own child would never feel such pain.

When Sadie met Callen, she'd fallen head over heels in love. He was broken and angry but when he kissed her, he made her feel like she was the only one that mattered. She adored him, became his family while he became hers. She accepted him and he promised her the world.

Then the missions began. She begged him to be careful, pleaded for him to return to her. More times than not he came back with broken bones and collapsed lungs. She never asked him what happened, just kissed his wounds and whispered that she loved him. Sadie knew who she married, and she could never ask him to quite for her. It wouldn't make either of them happy. She loved him too much to lose him because she was selfish. So she said nothing when he came in banged up at some late hour and fell into bed without a word of explanation or even a kiss. More often than not she would stand in the doorway of their bedroom, staring at him with tear filled eyes. She never joined him those nights, instead she always turned away and closed their door behind them.

She broke after one mission landed her husband in a coma. She'd been cleaning the living room when Kensi and Deeks showed up on her doorstep to tell her that her Cal was in critical condition in Germany from a mission. Nell accompanied her to Germany, though Sadie refused to leave her husband's side once they got there. She cried the whole two weeks he was in a coma.

She knew her marriage was over the day they returned home, though she refused to believe it. She was desperate to do something, anything to save it.

Not long after, God answered her prayers by giving her a child. Callen was overjoyed at the thought of being a father, but soon it became clear that she would be doomed to a life of raising her child alone. Cal spent most of his time at work or on a mission. When she finally gave birth to their daughter, she was alone. Still she named her darling daughter Clara, after his mother, one last gift to him.

He fawned over their daughter, but Clara didn't change anything. Feeling more alone than ever, Sadie hired a nanny to help her raise her daughter. She and Jenny became fast friends, bonding over a shared love for Clara. People everywhere mistook them for a lesbian couple by the way they acted with her. They became inseparable, but it didn't lessen the pain any, just made it more bearable.

She wasn't sure when she decided to leave him. Maybe it was after the car accident that nearly paralyzed Jenny, but she didn't get the courage until she and Callen had the worst fight of their marriage. Callen had screamed that she was being selfish and could never hope to understand what his life is like. She'd accused him of not loving her anymore and abandoning Clara. He'd been so angry he'd taken his jacket and opened the door.

"_If you walk out that door Cal, we won't be here when you get back."_

He'd left anyway and she'd fallen to knees in sobs. Clara was crying in the background. Sadie made her way to her daughter's room. Her beautiful baby with her platinum ringlets and her father's blue eyes, was standing up in her crib. Clara had tears falling down her cherub cheeks and her arms were stretched out towards her mother. Sadie nearly started crying again when she realized that her child had heard the fight. She'd vowed as a child to never let her children live the way she had. She packed for the next hour.

She called Nell and told her she was going home to DC to live with her parents (who had since childhood moved into a new house that was larger where they never had to cross paths).

As she packed the last bag into her car, she couldn't help but turn back to look at the house that had been her home for six years. She didn't want to leave, it killed her to leave. She loved Callen, with all her heart and soul. He was all she had aside from her daughter, the only one she ever loved beside Clara. He was her everything, and she was leaving him.

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><p><strong>An Title comes from Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles**


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